20 Lessons for 20 Years
The last of my blogs I started in August and are now dusting off and polishing for y’all to read. In my opinion, this one is the most important one, and the one that took the longest to write.
A few weeks ago, I had my 20th birthday, which meant I officially left the teenage years behind and became a true adult. Since I turn 20, and golf has taught me a lot of lessons over the years, I thought I would share those lessons. So here are 20 lessons golf has taught me in honor of 20 years of life:
Life is unfair - This may sound like a harsh one to start with, but I believe it is important. Life is unfair and there is nothing we can do about it. There have been many times where I have worked harder than others or gave up more than others, yet other people will get better results or are presented with better opportunities than me at the time. It’s a hard pill to swallow at times, but that is how life rolls.
Everything happens for a reason - Even if you do everything right, you still might not win the tournament or get the job. A famous story in my family is the job my dad took to allow us to move from Kansas to Pennsylvania 12 years ago. He originally applied for a job in York, PA and was a finalist for the role, but didn’t end up getting it. He then applied for his current job which turned out to be a much better opportunity and a better location to live. If it weren’t for him getting his current job, I may not have ever picked up a club.
You can’t always control what happens around you, but you can always control your emotions and reactions - My blog about the state amateur a few weeks ago addresses this, but it holds true in life. A lot of things are out of your control. Even when I was recruited, I was always confused as to why a coach ghosted me after they would say they would make me an offer. There is usually more to the story than you know, and most of the time it has nothing to do with you. I could have been upset about it, but instead I just moved on from it and focused on the schools that were interested in me.
If you do something great, and people around you aren’t happy for you, find new people - I have won three tournaments so far in my college career, two at Converse and one at BG. The first tournament I won, I remember not enjoying it. No one celebrated with me. I was confused as to why the people around me weren’t happy for me. When I went to BG and I won for the first time, my teammates that night went and got me a cake with a number 1 candle on it. I found new people who were happy for me when I did something great.
Good things happen to those who are patient and work hard - I feel sometimes people think I just picked up a club and was instantly good at golf. This could not be further from the truth, and as I have said before I was considered a late bloomer. But I was patient and worked hard. I would have never guessed that I would be setting records at a DI program when I was a freshman in high school; in fact no one thought that was in the cards for me. But I stayed patient and worked hard, and now I currently hold 4 records in BG golf.
Hard work beats talent - This sort of ties in with the last one, but it is also different in a way. There are people who will just pick up a club and be instantly good without really having to work at it. Fun fact that a lot of people don’t know is I am naturally gifted at the violin. I was able to just pick it up and play it. Now, I know that if I really worked at it I could be really good, but I never was interested. There are kids who worked harder at it than I did and ultimately became better violinists, which I was ok with. There are girls in golf that would kick my butt in junior golf because they were more talented than I was. However, I have now beaten most of them on a regular basis because hard work beats talent.
Your actions speak louder than words - I have found that a lot of people will say all the right things, yet their actions don’t reflect their words. The people I have the most respect for in life are the people whose words and actions reflect each other. They are the ones who hold themselves accountable for their words and will put them into play. They are the ones who will admit when they are wrong and make it right. How you act and carry yourself means so much more than anything that comes out of your mouth.
You can’t change how other people think - This is probably one of the most difficult lessons that I am still learning. You can do everything right, and people still will not like you. And that isn’t your fault. People are going to think the way they want to think and there is literally nothing you can do about it.
There is no such thing as a “perfect situation” - This is because we are human, and no one is perfect. People make mistakes. People will let you down. But the most important thing is that the people who do let you down admit it and move on. We are human, and with that we do stupid things. Since humans aren’t perfect, no situation is perfect.
Don’t stress about the little things or you might miss what is happening in front of you - This one sort of makes me laugh because I am SOOOOOOO guilty of this. When I tell you I stress, I stress about the little things all the time. But this takes away from your overall experience and you make yourself depressed when you stress over every little thing. It’s going to be ok and everything always works out. I really could (and should) write an entire blog on this.
People around you can make or break your experience - If the people around you want to see you succeed, they will demonstrate that every day by showing up for you and supporting you in every way possible. If the people around you say they support you, yet their actions don’t reflect that, then find new people. People make or break your experience, so if people aren’t showing up for you, and you have given them chances to change, then move on from them and find the people who will show up for you without you needing to tell them (I could also write an entire blog on this).
If you aren’t having fun, then you need to make a change - This connects with the last one. Now this is not to be confused with there aren’t times where things are hard. But, overall if you aren’t enjoying what you are doing, then you need to make a change. It could be changing what you are doing, changing locations, changing the people around you etc. Overall, you should be enjoying your day to day life even through the challenges and roadblocks if you are in the right situation for you.
Trust the process - There will be days that nothing goes your way; however, that is just one day into a long journey in life. Life is a marathon, not a sprint. You will have good miles and bad miles. Trust though that even on the bad days, things are still heading in the right direction for you to achieve your goals.
How you carry yourself says more about you than your accomplishments - People notice more about how you carry yourself than your list of accomplishments in life. If you have won every single golf tournament, yet you are a difficult player to play with and are rude to your competitors, then no one will really care about how good you are at golf. I’ve witnessed it myself in junior golf. There have been competitors that are really talented, yet they are rude and disrespectful to everyone around them, so in the end no one ever wants to be around them.
Have a growth mindset, not a fixed mindset - If someone has a fixed mindset, they see the world with blinders on and never reflect on themselves to see how they can get better. They don’t like to take advice or ask for help, and they are satisfied with where they are. If someone has a growth mindset, they are always observing their surrounds and reflecting constantly on where they can improve. They take advice and ask for help and are never content with where they are. The most successful people have growth mindsets.
Be a good teammate, but an even better person - Always be a team player, but also congratulate those who are successful around you whom you competed against. Never cheer for someone’s downfall, even if you don’t like the person. At the end of the day, what you say and do and how you act shows what your heart is truly made of.
If you are doing the right things, people will notice and follow you - This one is easier said than done. Of course it’s obvious to do the right things, yet doing the right things can feel lonely sometimes. Trust that people will notice that you are doing the right things, even if they don’t tell you. Trust that people will follow you and want to do the things you are doing even if it doesn’t seem like it.
Find positivity in everything, even the little things - This is super important. Life can be negative and hard, yet the more you force yourself to find positivity, the happier you will be. This is not to be confused with saying though life is unfair, because it is, and that is just facts. In order to make life more fun and less unfair, find positivity in everything, even little things. If you find positivity in the little things, then you will find positivity in everything in life.
Don’t burn bridges - This one makes me laugh because I wouldn’t be at BG if I burned bridges when I was a junior in high school. This is so true in life. You really never, and I mean never, know when you might run into the people you meet in life again. If I would have ghosted BG after committing elsewhere, then I would not be playing for BG. I made sure not to burn any bridges in high school which I was rewarded with 2 years later.
Family is everything - It might seem cheesy, but it’s true. At the end of the day, your family will always be there for you. They are the people who are with you through the ups and downs, good and bad times, and the happy and sad moments. They are always in your corner and are people you can trust to have your best interest at heart. They will be honest and loving to you always, so make sure to show appreciation as much as you can. I would not be where I am today without my family.
I could have made this list longer if I wanted to, but I wanted to keep it at 20 to obviously match my age. That’s not to say I am not learning new lessons everyday, but when I reflect on the first 2 decades of my life, these 20 lessons stuck out to me the most. These lessons I think are important, and are lessons I am still learning as I am not perfect. I write these blogs, and I am always saying to myself “Why don’t I just take my own advice”, but that is always easier said than done. I should do what I preach, and maybe someday I will be totally successful at that, but for now I share my wisdom while attempting to also follow it.
